The Watershed

Ever had a moment in your life where several different, seemingly completely unrelated thoughts come together, and you realize that the reason you learned all of those things is for just THAT moment?

I just had that. Let me explain, starting with "source material", if you will:

"In an avalanche, no single snowflake feels responsible." -- Nietzsche

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do." -- Helen Keller

What universal, ridiculously correct truths, with two very important applications: global warming, and Ron Paul.

First, for global warming -- I've found it easy to justify, in the past, my environmentally poor actions by saying "well, millions of other people do worse things -- and, in the big picture, what I'm doing has no tremendous impact on the environment, so what's the big deal?" You see what I'm getting at, here? I justify it, because there are so many other snowflakes, and neglect to recognize that even though I'm only one, I am denying myself the ability to do all that I can.

That stops, right now.

Second, for Ron Paul. Whenever people learn that I support him, no matter what their political views, without exception, their first statement is, "You know he's not going to win, right?"

You. Idiot.

What on earth is the point of saying that? You think you'll instantly change my political views, just by pointing out that perhaps he doesn't have the majority of votes in any particular state, you two-bit shitwad? Next time, before you open your mouth, consider what you're trying to accomplish with whatever it is you're spewing.

This is exactly what's wrong with American democracy: the media. People see the results of other states, and they say "aww, well, this guy's not gonna win anyway, I might as well not vote for him."

What the hell manner of idiocy is this? First off, just because they don't have as many votes does NOT mean they don't deserve as much media coverage, and this works both ways -- more votes means more media coverage, and more media coverage means more votes. Second, if you're voting for someone based on whether they're likely to win or not, why are you voting? Shit -- why is your half-braindead ass even breathing? Moron.

You have nothing to lose by voting for someone who is likely to lose. This is not Cuba: you will not be lined up against a wall and shot for failing to agree with the prevailing regime. What Americans need to do before they're allowed to vote, is demonstrate that they have researched and responsibly taken it upon themselves to understand what each and every candidate stands for, instead of letting themselves be swayed by emotional music videos and our ridiculously biased media.

I don't care who you vote for, as long as you genuinely, truly, completely understand every single thing that they stand for, and believe that they are the best -- not because that rally was really inspiring, not because that music video made you cry, not because he's black or white or asian or whatever-the-hell.

Got me?

Please, Americans. Think.

To Live Forever

"If I started from the top,
And worked my way down...
There'd be no reason,
To live forever."

--Dream Theater

I've been doing a lot of thinking. Mostly about politics, and guns, and my family, and my future, and everything in general.

And then I got on 4chan, and saw this girl looking for somewhere to live, because her father got arrested for possessing crack.

Now, I don't fucking care about anything I've thought before.

It's like, I worry myself half to death, thinking logically and methodically, and all I really want to do is let go, put it all behind me. Just leave.

Why can't I do that?

Am I some kind of fucking coward? I've always told myself that when it really came down to it, I'd be brave, I'd stand up for what I believe in.

But I could just leave, right now, start my own life, make it on my own. Today could be the day that I exercise all my supposed courage. Yet I don't. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I hate this life. I hate suburbia, I hate being provided for, I hate being in the upper middle-class, I hate living in a society built on apathy, and I hate being self-aware of all of this. Sometimes, I think that my final painting will be my own brains, across a wall somewhere. I just don't want any of this, and yet I have no choice but to accept.

I wish life was as easy as it is in "American Gods". It's not.

I wish that it was possible to just drop everything and go into the woods, to live simply, like Thoreau. It's not.

I wish that the people around me would have the guts to own up to their share of responsibility in the disaster this world has become, instead of just shaking their heads and blaming others. They won't.

More than anything, I wish I could make all of this happen. I wish any of this was even possible. It's not.

Is that why people write books? Is that why I want to be a writer? To live a life that's not even possible? Shit.

No.

I will end my life before accepting that my life can't be anything and everything that I want it to be.

And I would rather it be over than be willing to accept that I "need" someone else in my life to validate its existence. I do not. I do not need to be understood, loved, or appreciated, because physically speaking, without these things, I will not die. And I will not change.

And by a practically opposite note from my blatant and idiotic romanticism: people need to be more responsible. They see the infomercials about the people whose human rights are trampled on by the companies that bring Americans their shoes, yet still they buy them. It's such bullshit.

Ignorance isn't bliss. People can't even feign ignorance anymore. Not having to take accountability -- THAT is bliss. Anonymity is bliss.

If I ran this country, that'd just be tough shit. Responsibility comes before any kind of feigned ignorance, regardless of what anyone says. And companies who don't respect human rights can get the hell out. I refuse to purchase anything from them on a personal level, and I don't think anyone in this country, in good conscience, should be capable of purchasing something made in a sweatshop.

No wonder everyone hates us.

I just remembered a quote from Nietzsche: "In an avalanche, no snowflake feels responsible." God, if that isn't the truth today, I don't know what is.

We're all riding an avalanche, straight into hell.


I just hope to God that I have the time to purchase a rifle or two, and get proficient in their use, before it comes.