No More

Why can't people just be happy? There's so much shit to appreciate out there, and yet people -- Americans especially -- are constantly wanting more. There are many things this world would be better off without, and ironically, those are some of the things Americans want most. Shit like:

Cosmetic surgeons -- So, you went to medical school and acquired knowledge that could allow you to help thousands of people, have an equally successful career, and be generally happy with yourself...but instead you choose to perform surgery on celebrities, and everyone will know it was performed, and it looks shitty anyway? You should just kill yourself.

Humvees in civilian hands -- Oh, so you want everyone to know you have a small penis? That's cool. Do you have to pollute the environment, drive like a dickhead, and shit all over the common rules of etiquette when it comes to parking while you do it? You could just buy a t-shirt. I mean, shit, have you ever taken that thing off-road? No? Then you're a wasteful pussy, and I hope you turn that shit over into a river and drown.

Plasma screen televisions -- Just another reason for people to live beyond their means, keeping up with the Joneses, and generally letting their brains waste away by having their opinions fed to them by the media -- which is owned by the corporations selling the shit advertised on TV.

Cell phones (mostly) -- Aside from a car accident or other emergency, I wish cellular telephones would completely disappear from society. I do not want to be reachable at every hour of the day, and I do not want to lug around a piece of plastic capable of doing almost everything my computer can. Just for the record, the next person who answers a cell phone in my presence, leaving me to sit there like some awkward peon who has nothing better to do than pretend he's not listening to your unimportant conversations about your unimportant lives, will find themselves talking into my fist instead.

TV Stations -- Television is for dumbasses and sheep. If you don't read books, if you don't discuss important shit frequently with people different than you, if you don't get out into the world and experience things, I have no respect for you. You probably own a Hummer, you braindead cuntmuffin. You're sure as hell not reading this.

People Without Opinions -- While there is hope for these people, I'll first point out that they're barely living. As Americans, it is your responsibility to research every topic about which you have an opinion, and know everything about it, inside and out, before you start preaching that opinion to other people. As vulgar as anything might be, it is even more vulgar to fail to understand it.

Lemme digress momentarily: this applies especially to guns. What people fail to understand about gun control has very little to do with guns, and everything to do with America.

No, I'm not about to throw the 2nd Amendment at you, though I do believe in it.

The reason Americans own -- and need to have the right to own -- guns, is that for all the evils that guns may cause, the answer will never, ever, be prohibiting guns. The answer is, and I want you all to prepare yourselves for this, because it is a World Changer: responsibility. Responsibility is the reason that we have so many freedoms. We are given the right to do things, but it is understood that we have the responsibility to be reasonable in doing them.

If you are responsible for your firearms, they will harm no innocents.

If you are responsible for your children, they will not be killers, they will not do drugs, they will not commit crimes, they will not be shitty drivers and hard-core drinkers.

Drugs are an outlet for people with shitty lives. Children who are loved as much as they deserve do not need drugs, or alcohol; they don't need anything else to make them feel good about who they are.

Alright, back to the list.

Tanning beds -- This is a by-product of the bullshit media telling you that you're not good as you are. And the funny thing about this is that even people I've heard preaching about the media are still going to tanning beds on an almost weekly basis. Why? Because they weren't raised to feel good about themselves. I am absolutely certain that any and all of this could be avoided by responsible and intelligent parenting.

Why do you have to change yourselves to feel better, Americans? Why does it cost money to fit in? Why do your friends only give a shit about your possessions?

Answer these questions, America. Then come talk to me.