When Locked Up, Bear Down...

I'm getting seriously restless. No offense to my parents, who I know work hard (or at least make plenty of money), but I really can't stand suburbia anymore. I probably can't even be sedentary. These surroundings are becoming way, way too familiar. I can't stand them.

That's why I think I want to join the Peace Corps. Travel around, meet new people, and make a serious difference in their lives.

That'd be some amazing material for stories, too, since I also definitely want to continue writing as I get older.

An interesting side-note in my life right now is my developing relationship with Kate -- we've been talking on the phone for ridiculous amounts of time, and I took her out last friday, then took her out for coffee yesterday. She seemed off today, and I feel like I need to find out why, whether it has to do with me or not.

It's not so much an obligation as a desire, to help her with whatever it is that's troubling her. Then again, some people call me old-fashioned, so I don't know. She let me read some of her stuff, and it's genuinely, truly, ridiculously amazing, and very well-written. Kate definitely has a future in writing ahead of her.

Another thing -- I listened to "A Change of Seasons" all the way through the other night, for the first time. It's an amazing piece of music, and the first truly inspiring song I've heard in a very long time. Too long, really.

So yeah. Now I have to wait for Kate to get off of work to call her and find out what's up.

Also -- I've been seriously looking at becoming a bush pilot in Africa. I'd purchase supplies from (potentially) American big-box retailers, and then distribute them to those who needed them most. Not sure what kind of airplane I'd fly yet, but I'm still just starting out on this idea.

I hope this isn't just that teenage idealism I hear adults talking about all the time, and that it will never, ever, wear off. This is who I want to be. I can't imagine living any other way than as someone who makes a genuine difference in the lives of others. And writes. And occasionally enjoys a good package of Pop Rocks, as I'm doing now. And attends Dream Theater concerts whenever possible.

More Poetry

A Broken Man Dies

I feel the curtains drawing closed,

The final chapter written,

The searing fire of inspiration hosed,

By death I find I’m bidden

Resistance dimmed by fire dying,

Violent thrashing all for naught,

On death’s grey bed my final sighing,

No more resisting, though I ought

The spark of life forever lost,

I can’t bring myself to grieving,

Love’s final, lethal, ultimate cost,

Chest’s final life-breath heaving

I ponder this, my destiny,

As though I’d more to offer,

Laughing softly, now I’m free,

No more good deeds to proffer.

-------------------------

Unfaithful

Faint murmurs, a steady rhythm,

And a grand entrance. Epic. Telling a story that deserves to be –

Nay –

Demands to be! Told,

Lest we forget, the awesome capabilities of man

To abuse women undeserving,

To say no

Thi--ng

Of innocent

Victim of her own society,

Portraying women as compliant accomplices in their own

Singular, solitary

Deaths, utterly undignified, and utterly

Pointless, sacrifice for

What? Is it dignity? Is that for what she died?

He would never,

Ever have approved had HE KNOWN! And yet,

Centered in the iron sights,

There she was, fresh out of the arms

Of another man

And he had known, yes,

When he’d heard…

Poem

Untitled

Laura’s agonizing tears burned

Jim’s chest as, gently, firmly,

He led her away from a city

In a country

Whose people had lost hope

His mind wandered to the night, years ago,

When they’d held each other close, safe, secure

Against incoming rockets

And swore they’d change the ways of these people

And presently Jim swore, likewise,

To rearrange the face of the bastard

Shelling the cinderblock schoolhouses

Embodying the knowledge of fishing with

Which he’d left them

As the giant hand applied

To Jim its tremendous donkey-punch

He thought,

How funny, that 155mm shells have no sound

Save for that of the rush of blood in my ears

It's Been Awhile...

I've been putting off a lot of things, not the least of which has been writing. Honestly, I haven't written in way too long. Why? Personal issues, partially, coupled with laziness, and with a dash of overwork and under-enthusiasm.

And, of course, going on a date with Kate. Yeah, that's right. From fucking nowhere! it's Kate.

I really didn't expect it either. I'd been sort of noticing that she was intelligent, well-read, attractive, and talented at writing since the start of Creative Writing class, but I always assumed that she was taken, or just not interested. Then she started showing interest, and I realized that she was probably the only female I knew who I could tolerate, and with whom I shared any interests (writing, insulting everything, being awesome), and that I did have some genuine(ly) unexplainable feelings for her.

So I asked her out on thursday. We saw Vacancy last night (Friday), and it turned out to actually be a hell of a movie. Most of its scare value was cheap thrills, and there were no monsters, so it was good stuff. Plus, we snuggled. Snuggling kicks ass, I'll be honest.

I feel like a complete jackass, though, since I showed up late, but she was cool about it. Hell, I called her afterwards and she said she had a good time, and that she'd like for me to go to her color guard performance this thursday.

So, naturally, I told work that I would NOT be able to attend on thursday, because my family died and my house burned down and I had to attend the funeral for my goldfish and I was actually coming down with something, because there's no way in hell that I'm going to miss her performing.

Shit, I'm honored just to be invited, and that alone should tell you how amazing this girl is.

She's heard of Matt Stover and Scott Oden, two of my favorite authors, and loves Chuck Palahniuk. She wins.

I can't wait to read some of the stuff she's written, and hear her opinion on some of what I've written.

No Witty Title For This

Got rear-ended yesterday on my way home from school. The ass in front of me stopped suddenly, and the girl behind me didn't. It had been snowing, so the roads were slick; she had basically no chance. I did, of course, because I'm in a Volvo.

Naturally, everyone involved was alright. Her headlight popped out, her hood is bent, she can't turn her steering wheel all the way to the left, and her door grinds against the body when she opens it.

The damage to my car can be washed off with a hose. I don't know how or why, but Volvo paint is amazing stuff. I barely even have a dent.

I don't believe I'll ever drive anything but a Volvo for the rest of my life.

What a wonderful way to start spring break.

But yeah -- as for the rest of my life, everything is pretty good. Kinda have a crush on this girl, but uh, after reviewing the results of my last "interest", I'm definitely gonna take this one slow. Don't wanna suffer another defeat of that magnitude of humiliation. That really blew.

Haven't been writing as much as I want, save for the occasional RPing.

Oh, and, I eagerly await the announcement of the Dream Theater tour dates -- I MUST see them in concert.

And I've started listening to the band Nile, which makes Ancient Egypt-themed death metal. Pretty neat stuff, has a lot of Middle East influence.